he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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