she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
