He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So apparently I’m into choking now
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
