She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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