I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
