I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
