every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize