never play flip cup with pint glasses
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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