chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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