You really coming over, don't trick.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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