we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
