his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
this must be what syphilis tastes like
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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