Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
