I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
