I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
