u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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