im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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