he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize