oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
