whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
