Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize