Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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