Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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