Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
