I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
