It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
