R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
