What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
