what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
4 words: hood of his car
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
