are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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