I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
