I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
