yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
