i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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