I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
