remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
