I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
