Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
