I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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