my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
