You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
and she was petting her beer can
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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