Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
