I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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