Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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