i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
