Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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