Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
