the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
