sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
