You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I skipped work to stalk him.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
organizing the empties. That sober.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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