I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
