i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
