I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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