Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
