What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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