...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
