Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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