im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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