just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
