Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I am available for nakedness
My butt remains clenched, sir.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
