That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
