Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There's even glitter on my cock...
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