hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
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