i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i wish my penis had a tongue
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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