Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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