I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
my poor anus
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
