he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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