I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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