How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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