i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
