I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
