I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
