It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
