I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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