Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
